Bonneville Salt Flats

Going to break form a bit here- but this event deserves its own post.

One hour west of SLC our odometer began to creep toward 20k, putting our trip mileage at over 3200 miles thus far. To make it special, we decided to take the fit up to 100mph for its landmark mileage achievement. It took a lot of yelling and maneuvering and picture taking, but we hit it. 20,000 miles, 100 mph, and a picture taken at the same time.



After that bit of speed, we were ready to tackle the American Mecca for speed demons, the Salt Flats of Bonneville. We'll wait a while you read the Wikipedia article and watch the movie "The World's Fastest Indian."

Ok.

There is a single two-lane asphalt road that extends about four miles into the center of the Salt Flats. At its end is a sign that warns you of the dangers of driving on the flats, and which direction the speed week drivers go. After careful research and consideration, and after testing the ground with foot traffic, and watching another driver go first, we were quite confident that the Fit would be able to handle the drive. We pulled off carefully, and first sped off about a mile into the white nothingness.







We stopped to get a sense of just how big this place was. Never, have I felt so far away from everything. The car looked like a tiny orange speck within the white expanse, and us even tinier.



After a photo session, we jumped back into the car to see what it could do. We did a couple 0 to 60 speed tests, and both hit 19.2 seconds on the dot (remember this is a front wheel drive compact car that is fully loaded with Mike's crap), and then made an attempt to break 100 mph again but on the salt flats. We both hit about 96mph, as the salt doesn't have as much traction as asphalt. But after this bit of fun, we decided to call it quits and get back on the road.

This is where the trouble started

In a vast white emptiness it is hard to maintain any sense of distance or direction. Thats our story and we're sticking to it. The portion of the Salt flats north and south of the access road are a bit muddy, and the salt crust is less than half an inch thick. The portion that is usually driven on is much more solid, as it has a salt crust several inches thick. On our way back to the access road we shot a bit too far North, began to loose speed, and then came to a stop about a mile northeast of the access road. We got out, and saw that we had sunk into the flats a couple inches. A few tries, and ikea bag, and a broken cat door prototype later it became several inches deep, and it became clear we would not be getting out on our own.





Jon called the local towing gentleman, who let us know that his "Mud Cat" was in Salt Lake City, and we would have to wait an hour and a half for him to come get us. We practiced some Zen exercizes, called family and friends, took care of some business, but still were not able to fill the time before getting immensely bored.

Finally, after about 2 1/2 hours, our hero in a yellow truck showed up. He almost got his truck stuck in the mud near us, then when he got the Mud Cat onto the ground, its engine froze a couple of times, giving the two of us a couple of "oh shit" moments, before it started up, and began lumbering our way.

He hooked us to the Mud Cat, pulled us out backwards to his truck, charged us our first born child- worth it- and we drove off finally onto firm ground (read:Asphalt). In our defense, when we left, there was already another car stuck in the mud not 100s yard from the road as we were leaving. (We alerted our tow truck about the other car- cuz we're good people.)




Then we drove to Nevada (like 4 miles away) found a car wash, and got most of the mud and corrosive salt off of the car's undercarriage.

Night 6 - Salt Lake City

It was snowing when we got into SLC, which was apparently as much of a surprise to the local weatherman as it was to us. Day six was about the drive, so night 6 would be about the sleep. We would stay in, catch up on the blogs, and watch a little TV. Seeing Salt Lake city would have to wait for another trip.

Then, at 9pm it happened. We got hungry, having not eaten since the McDonald's in Rock Springs, Wyoming that afternoon. We found a Chinese place listed as being nearby the hotel, but our iPhones failed us yet again, as no such place existed. We found more chinese places a bit further East and headed that way- toward downtown SLC. We should have probably stayed in and eaten at the hotel restaurant, but we all of a sudden had a hankering for chinese.

The main street in northern SLC, 600 street, is eight lanes wide inbound - one way. This bizarrely wide street was also bizarrely empty for a major city street at 9:30pm, and the place only got more desolate after a turn down state street, where the lights got low, and the buildings got more run down. The only thing open at this time on this street were far too many tattoo parlors. There were a few chinese places in this area, and after finding the first few closed, we resigned to go back to the hotel for a late late dinner. Again, probably what we should have done.

It sat on the corner, glowing a faint yellow, most of its interior lights out, with just two cars parked out front. The Panda had one very important light still lit- the "Open" sign. We quickly parked, checked the hours, and saw that it was in fact open. We went in to find one woman inside cleaning up, who said she would even serve us! We ordered some wonton soup, dumplings, lo mein, and a dish that appeared to be "General-Tso's Chicken"-like. The food came out in reverse order, and was largely disappointing. we finished up and paid the check as Leno started interviewing his first guest, about 10:45 in the mountain time zone.

So our experience in Salt Lake City involved nothing Mormon, nothing, Salt Lake, and nothing you're actually supposed to do there. We will still have to hit it on another trip to give it its due.

A short drive back to the hotel, we booked our hotel in Tahoe, and hit the hay. Tomorrow we had a land speed record to break.

Day 6 - Denver to Salt Lake City

COLORADO

First order of business for Day 6 was to figure out the route we would take: around the Rockies or over them. According to Google Maps, the quickest way to Salt Lake from Denver was to head north into Wyoming on the interstate, the travel directly west, bypassing the highest area of the Rockies altogether. We decided that a more scenic, adventurous route was in order. After a bit of playing around with the routes, we found a path that would take us up over the Rockies west of Denver, cut north into Wyoming (so we could check it off the list), and still get us to Salt Lake in about 9-10 hours.

We weren't disappointed with our route choice. The road west out of Denver moved into the mountains very quickly, and the abrupt change in terrain and environment between the Kansas-style flat plains and the high Rockies was actually rather jarring. Case in point: 10 minutes outside of Denver, it was snowing. Heavily. The fully loaded Fit struggled with the steep uphill climb, but we were shortly treated to some of the most beautiful mountain scenery either of us had ever seen.







We worked our way further up into the mountains to our highest point: the Eisenhower tunnel, approximately 11,000 feet above sea level. Denver is a mile high, meaning we had climbed over a mile up the mountains in the course of about half an hour. Pretty impressive. While inside the tunnel, we were treated to a scary bit of news via the tunnel's electronic notification signs: "Steep 8% downward grade next 8 miles", and "Ice and packed snow on roads ahead, slow down now". Jon was driving at this point, so he made sure he sat up straight, put his hands at 10 and 2, and tried to remember if he had told anyone that he would prefer to be cremated.





Out of the tunnel, and down the mountain we went, dodging slow-moving semi trucks and fast-moving SUVs. There were a couple of scary moments when the car would skid a bit on an icy turn, but we made it down to level ground in one piece, and turned north off the interstate, heading for the Wyoming border.

WYOMING



We stopped to gas up and switch drivers in Baggs, Wyoming: a small town just across the state line, and were amazed at the amount of ice and dirty road snow the Fit had accumulated during our mountain crossing. We considered cleaning it off, but the crust of ice covering the front license plate felt sort of like a merit badge, so we continued on in a dirty car.



The first section of Wyoming was, for the most part, flat and featureless, somewhat like Kansas, but with shrubs instead of grass. However, as we moved further into the state, we were presented with waves of beautiful rock formations, mesas, and rolling hills with sides showing colorful rock strata. It should be noted that, during our time in Kansas, the car stereo was never off: we needed music or comedy to keep us awake and interested while flying through the open plains. On this leg of the trip, we never turned on the radio: we felt that music would distract from the wealth of natural beauty rolling by just outside our windows. We didn't want to miss a moment.





Next stop: Salt Lake City!

UTAH



We crossed the border into Utah around 6 pm. Much like the latter part of Wyoming, the road was lined with beautiful rocky hills and cliffs for the majority of the drive. The main distinguishing features between Wyoming and Utah are that the hills in Utah are more covered in grass, and the rocks are more red. As we worked our way through Park City toward Salt Lake, the scenery continued to impress, with great snow-covered mountains and picturesque hillside towns. With each turn, some new beauty would revel itself, to the point that we started getting annoyed - Jon's camera hand was getting tired, and he only had space for 175 more pictures on his memory card. We actually found ourselves longing for the monotony of Kansas, if only for a break from sensory overload.





We finally arrived in SLC around 7 pm. One thing we had not prepared for: Utah is cold. We're debating going out tonight to see some of the city, but it is late it looks like freezing rain. The hotel room is looking pretty good right now.

Night 5 - Denver

Our hotel in Denver was as impressive as the one in Topeka, not for a slide, but for the sheer quality of the room. It was a suite with a couch and a 42" flat screen TV, free internet, and free breakfast. We got settled in, Mike watched the first part of the heartbreaking Capitals game on his computer, and then we hit the road into Downtown Denver for a dinner we had planned since before we left.



Warning: descriptions and images below may gross out vegetarians or animal lovers in general. Proceed with caution.

Atlas Obscura had shown us to a restaurant known for its completely bizarre range of meats. The Buckhorn Exchange, operating in Denver since 1893, offers such satisfying meats as rattlesnake, elk, buffalo, and yak. They also offer the epitome of bizarre mountain foods- the Rocky Mountain Oyster. For those unacquainted they are the sliced, battered and fried testicles of a buffalo or bull.





We arrived in what looked like a converted brick townhouse, where every single available wall surface was covered with the stuffed head of an animal. We sat down in at a table right under a display case full of stuffed birds, and ordered the risky appetizer- a steal at only $9.75 - as well as the rattlesnake which was mixed into a jack-cheese and salsa dipping sauce and served with chips- like you'd expect. The rattlesnake was no big deal, and Jon had similar feelings about the oysters. Mike ate a few slices of testicle with some trepidation, enough to say he had done it, and left the rest of his portion on the plate.



Our meals included the meats elk, quail, cornish game hen, kobe beef, and ostrich, but I want to talk about the mixed vegetables. Just kidding. The meats were all palatable, but they had cooked them to a char on the outside, so it was hard to get a sense of what the meat itself tasted like. We can now say that we have eaten those animals, but not whether we like them or not.

We then caught the the light rail to downtown- which apparently operates on the honor system because no one checked our tickets. We were looking for a bar on the main strip, 16th street, but it being a Wednesday night found the streets empty and the bars mostly quiet. We grabbed a beer in one of them, but the emptiness of the streets coupled with the tire of the day made us return to the hotel for a moderately early night. Denver has not been our favorite stop along the way, but we have a fun mountain drive ahead of us tomorrow, so spirits are high.

Day 5 - Topeka to Denver

KANSAS

This just in: Kansas is flat. At the start, in eastern Kansas we foolishly gloated that people had greatly exaggerated how flat the state was. And then we crested the last hill for several hundred miles. The road stretched off straight into the distance and disappeared into the horizon. Boredom abounded. We saw a bunch of tumble weeds and small oil derricks! Ummmm. Yeah. Now you're as bored as we were. Being in this vast emptiness, with enormous expanses of land between signs of civilization, really brings on a feeling of severe loneliness. I can understand why people out this way like to have Jesus with them everywhere- somebody to talk to!



We pushed the mileage to the limit and barely made it into the town of Oakley, KS before running out of gas. We pulled into the truck stop with the intent of filling up- both food and petroleum. I want to give Oakley, Kansas the benefit of the doubt. I want to say it would be a lovely place to take your grandma. I want to say its not always like this, but on this day, on this time, in this heat, Oakley, KS smelled like shit. The smell of animal feces was overpowering, so after filling up quickly, we ran into the local Subway for lunch.

Mike now driving, the roads continued to be boring, as we continued first into the mountain time zone, then into Colorado.

COLORADO

Colorado started out as bland, empty, and flat as Kansas, but a few hours in we started to climb hills. Finally, over one of the hills, we saw, in the distance, faint blue mountains! A high-five was exchanged as we headed on toward our hotel in Denver.

NIght 4 - Topeka

We arrived at our hotel in Topeka around 9 pm. It was a bit outside the city proper: a Holiday Inn right off the interstate. We weren't expecting much; but man, were we surprised. We walked into the lobby to check in, which didn't look like much as we entered, until we looked to our right and noticed the water slide. Now when we say water slide, you're probably picturing a short little slide into a little wading pool or something - the kind of think that might seem reasonable for a highway hotel in Kansas. Please note that reason did not apply to the builders of the Holiday Inn Topeka. The Water Slide (I'm capitalizing to give it its proper respect) was two stories high, with multiple tight spins and switchbacks, and a 48" minimum rider height. It had a name, as any great ride should: the Turbo Twister. We checked in quickly so that we could get changed and get slidin' as soon as possible.


KANSAS

We spent about an hour in the pool area, making ample use of the Turbo Twister and hot tub, until we realized that it was nearly 10 pm, and we hadn't eaten dinner yet. So began the search for food in Topeka late at night on a weekday. Apparently every food place in the area has hours until 10pm, but nobody leaves their homes after 9:30, so most places close early. After a half hour of frustrated searching, we found a Chipotle that was not quite closed, and managed to procure some grub for the night. The end of the night comprised eating of Chipotle, drinking of chocolate milk, and watching Adult Swim. You know, tearing it up.

Day 4 - Chicago to St. Louis to Topeka

We got out of the hotel at the usual time and made our way out of Chi-town. We decided we didn't want to use the GPS directions until we were on the interstate, so there were a lot of frantic "which exit do we take?" conversations while making our exodus.


ILLINOIS


Moving through Illinois to Missouri was pretty uneventful - lots of flat land, and we're bored with wind farms at this point. Next stop: St. Louis.

MISSOURI

St. Louis is right on the river between Illinois and Missouri, so as we crossed the mighty Mississippi, we got to check off a new city and a new state at the same time. On a tip from one of Jon's college friends (thanks, T.J.), we stopped for lunch at a place outside the downtown area called Fitz's. The restaurant makes its' own sodas - they're best known for their root beer, but Jon and Mike both hate root beer, so Mike got an orange soda and Jon got a cream soda.



Alright, enough of this "local stuff only"nonsense - it's time to be tourists. What would a trip through the Gateway to the West be without a visit to the Arch? We got directions and drove through downtown to the Arch waterfront area. It's much bigger than we expected - apparently it's 630 feet tall, making it by far the tallest structure in St. Louis. Also, it's shiny. Once at the Arch, we decided we should make our trip into the West official by walking through the center of the Arch from east to west. We walked to the middle of the grassy field below the arch, and made the momentous steps past the silvery threshold, thereby cementing our place in history with such great pioneers and explorers as Magellan, Lewis & Clark, Neil Armstrong, and Bear Grylls.



We decided to get to the top of the Arch, because what would a Mike and Jon trip be without climbing something tall? We walked down into the large underground lobby below the Arch, and bought tickets for the tram which takes people to the monument's summit. The under-enthusiastic high school kid who sold us our tickets asked if either of us had a problem with claustrophobia, and he was right to do so. The trip to the top was made in a tiny 5-person pod which was about 5 feet in diameter and resembled a cross between a tuna can and the white pods from "2001". The pod's circular shape allowed it to stay level as the angle of the arch changed on the way up. It leveled itself in a series of very comforting jerky adjustments which would throw our heads against the sides of the pod. Fun.

Once at the top we were able to enjoy the panoramic vistas from several tiny widows that seemed better suited for firing arrows from a position of relative safety than actually seeing stuff outside. No matter - the views of the city and river were actually quite nice, and it was cool to see the Arch's shadow on the ground from above.



After making our way down, we were approached by a reporter for the local NBC news affiliate for an interview. Apparently, earlier in the day, the pod elevator system had broken down, and several people were stuck at the top for several hours. Great. During his interview, Jon said it was a good thing he didn't watch the local news, and Mike said that someone needed to be held accountable. It's unlikely our interviews made it on the air.

Night 3 - Chicago

Chicago is enormous, but it has a different feel than any place we've been to. The streets are mostly clear, and every couple of minute the el-train rolls by, making it impossible to hear anything. It is still cold here this time of year, and very windy, as one would expect, so we dressed in our warmest clothes and headed out on the town.


This may be the worst picture ever taken.

We asked Alex to take us to some of the night spots in the area, and we started at The Exchequer, a bar Alex goes to with his Comrades after ISO meetings. We started catching up, had some great fries and better beer. Then we stopped by the Apple store to play with the iPads. Enough pussy-footing around. It was time to try the deep dish pizza.

Alex took us to his favorite place in Chicago, Gino's East, which has a storied past you can learn all about on your own time. The walls, chairs, and booths are covered in graffiti of past diners (and for all the doubters, Slobbering Sam was in fact there) which created an enjoyable casual ambiance.

If you've been reading thus far you may have noticed a great deal of our posts are about driving and eating. Then eating, Then driving. So by this point, after so many big meals, we are stuffed, and not much activity we are feeling like lumps. Bring on the deep dish. We each order a small, which turns out to be about as big as a 10 lb barbell weight and twice as dense. It was fantastic, but we had to cool down lest we explode. We each made it half way through before giving up and heading out, giving our leftovers to a couple of homeless kids who, most likely, could not finish and gave their leftovers away too.



We planned next to take the elevated train to the part of town Alex lives in, and see his local hangouts. But with no cash, and all the ATM vestibules locked for the night, we couldn't buy tickets for the dang train. So, in the interest of spending time with Billet, we went to a nearby British bar, the Castle and Elephant to shoot yet more shit. Alas, there never was a castle, and the elephant was in the shop, but the local Chicago beer was excellent, and the conversation turned to politics, as it usually does with the three of us.

The staff at the bar looked restless, so we continued talking for a bit outside the bar, before we realized that we were losing sensation in our extremities, so we wisely continued or conversation in the hotel room until about 1:30 am. When you're as close as the three of us have been, catching up takes a long time. Wishing there was more time, we sent Alex on home, as we would have 10 hours of driving the next day, 5 in the morning to St. Louis, 5 in the evening to Topeka.

Day 3 - Nashville to Chicago

TENNESSEE and KENTUCKY

We made a quick exit, backtracking only a couple of hours to make it into new territory. The landscape had begun to flatten out, and there were many silos.

INDIANA

After a stop for gas, the only planned stop in Indiana was lunch at a place known as the "traders point creamery" for lunch. We had a tip that they served the tastiest chocolate milk in the country. We went up in their modern-decorated barn loft and ordered a burger of grass-fed beef served with cheese from the creamery, and mac and creamery cheese mixed with chicken and thick bacon. It was all great, especially the chocolate milk, which the waitress was kind enough to top off for us until we left. We bought some more milk to go, and are waiting for the perfect time to open it up.



Back in the car, about an hour north of the stop we passed through the first wind farm either of us had ever seen. There were 200-foot tall propeller towers in all directions on both sides of the highway, extending all the way to the horizon- it appeared to be an alien landing site. Completely surreal. As Thoreau famously wrote in Walden "dude that was fookin crazy."





ILLINOIS

After scrambling to find change to pay the inbound tolls, we made it into chicago at about 4pm. Alex met us out front of our hotel, The River Hotel, right downtown on the water. We checked into our room which was tiny, but it had two twin beds and a shower so we were set. After we got settled we started to plan our night.

Night 2 - Nashville, TN

We connected with Jenny and Stu who would be putting us up for the night, and they were busy until about 9, but recommended one hell of a good barbecue joint for dinner. I use the word "joint" to describe Jack's Barbecue because that's what you call a place with a rusty metal neon sign, the sticky-sweet smell of slow roasting animal parts, and a wood-paneled barn-like interior. As you would expect, the food was INCREDIBLE. For $13 you can stuff yourself with three kinds of meat, two vegetables, and some really tasty barbecue sauce. I recommend the ribs.



The main drag in Nashville is called Broadway, and for something like 10 blocks it is nothing but live music venues with powerful melodies and bar singing pouring out of every door. The street is lit up with neon light like downtown Vegas, and each place is the venue where someone in the Country Music Hall of Fame got discovered. The energy is just great.



We started at a bar called "Broadway Brewhouse and Mojo" which had a two for one special on draft beer- which in Nashville means if you order one, you get two. Mike and Jenny caught up on old times, we all shot the shit, and talked about the music industry and got a little drunk. Mike payed for 8 beers- a whopping $17 - and then we headed to the clubs around to absorb some of the local music scene.

After the Brewhouse, we moved on to The Stage, a country-themed bar with a large stage at the front and plenty of room to stand and watch the band play. The bar's theme didn't imply the type of band, though, as the night's group (the Chris Weaver Band) spend the night playing classic rock covers (along with some more recent stuff - I never thought I would enjoy a Maroon 5 cover so much). The lead singer had a wonderful gravelly voice - perfect for rock - and the band comprised a bunch of excellent musicians. After a couple hours of listening to Journey and Wilson Pickett covers, and loving every minute of it, we decided to move on to some other clubs. Before leaving, Jon had tipped the band $10 - the same price as the band's CD's, so he didn't feel guilty just getting a copy from Jenny.



After The Stage, we moved on to two other clubs: Tootsie's and Legend's Corner. Tootsie's had two floors, with one band on each floor. The upstairs band was a very decent country group, but we were ready to move along, so we only stayed for a couple of songs. Legend's Corner had another classic rock cover band, but nothing special. The last bar of the night was actually closed from the outside, so we snuck in the side through a neighboring bar which was closed for business, but unlocked. After a few more good country ballads, we retired to Jenny and Stu's place, and called it a night.

Day 2: Columbus to Nashville

OHIO

We took our leave of Chelsea and Andy's place this morning, after they were kind enough to pick up donuts from the Jolly Pirate. We got on the road around 8 am, and began out trip southwest to Nashville, through Kentucky. Goodbye, Ohio. It should be noted that, at this point, this is the farthest West that either of us have ever driven. It's all new territory from here on out.

KENTUCKY

We made it to Kentucky (which has "unparalleled spirit" according to the sign) around 10 am, and immediately began to plan our lunch adventure, which was to involve procuring a KFC Double down. After all, shouldn't the chicken be better in the franchise's home state? It ended up being much more of an adventure than we had expected. The first KFC we came upon was a bust, as it was closed "due to fire". Clearly adding grilled chicken to the menu creates more of a hazard for the employees who are only used to operating a deep fryer.



We then used the iPhone to find the next closest location, which showed up on the map near a small road in Waddy, KY. We took the directions on the map, and were treated to a lovely scenic drive on a windy road through the back woods and farmlands of the state away from the highway, although the spot where the KFC was supposed to be turned out to be a small railroad overpass with no other buildings in sight for miles.




As we were working our way back to the interstate, we finally managed to find a KFC in Shelbyville, KY (AKA "Springfield Sucks, KY"), and treated ourselves to a lunch of bacon and cheese between two pieces of fried chicken.

Having emerged from lunch victorious (and not dead of cholesterol-induced CancerAIDS), we proceeded south toward Nashville.

TENNESSEE

We crossed into the Volunteer state around 2:30 pm. The roads just past the border were really quite picturesque, with a mix of farmland and mountainous terrain. Shortly after crossing into Tennessee, the roads were cut through rocky hillsides which left these great faceted rock walls. Not as big as the gap in Mt Somethingorother in MD, but very pretty nonetheless.




Nashville was only about 30 minutes south of the KY/TN border, so we arrived at our destination at 3pm. Our destination? Grand Old Golf - a giant, 3-course, 45-hole miniature golf course on the outskirts of Nashville. Mike had played here once about 10 years ago on a YMCA swimming trip, but his attempt to finish the course was cut short by a thunderstorm. So we were on a mission: we would finish the course, come hell or high water (or thunderstorms). This was no easy task, mind you: the second course we played was a frustratingly difficult 9-hole "Challenge Course", with holes at least 2-3 times as long as your typical putt-putt course. We finished well over par, and Mike hit Jon in the leg with a wild putt (hard enough to leave a welt with divot marks), but we did finish.

RTXC 2K10 - Night 1 in Columbus, OH

Andy and Chelsea showed us around Columbus, starting with Yellow Brick Pizza, an awesome Pizza joint with interesting pies and a great beer selection. We got some of each and shot the shit- which led to the invention of a new bar game we called "coasters," the rules of which are still in development.


Then we went on to dessert, and those of you who have been to Columbus have probably heard of Jeni's, and if you haven't, you need to. This awesome place has great flavors like "goat cheese with roasted red cherries" and "Thai curry." Jon had a cone of "Queen City Cayenne" and I had a scoop of each goat cheese, dark chocolate and cherry lambic.




The next step was a surprise- Adult Swim was hosting a party at the Lodge Bar in downtown Columbus with free carnival games and tons of free Adult Swim schwag. We collected frisbees and T-shirts and posters and an inflatable meatwad beachball. Drinking a beer and playing sponge toss is an awesome combination. And yes, that is a giant inflatable Carl from Aqua Teen pooping a star.



Back at our hosts' place we got back just in time to watch a Pittsburgh sports team win. A few beers, some youtube videos, and some great conversation, and we crashed for an early departure on Day 2, headed for Nashville.