In a surprise move, after getting beat up on the playground, teased for not having a physical keyboard or a decent digital camera, the iPhone took its own life yesterday because, as read in a note uploaded to its blog through its sweet wordpress app, "I cannot go on living like this."
Sources say those close to the cleanly designed handheld device were shocked to find out what had happened, especially with the huge popularity of the phone, and it's apparent resilience against phones that has tried to assassinate the phone before. "But this time was different," said Steve J., a friend and mentor to iPhone "people had really worn down his self esteem. I mean, have you seen what they write on those message boards?"
True, in just scanning one recent article in which he is mentioned, some libelous charletains have claimed "iPhone is totally gay." and "Whatever, the newest Nokia phones have like a bizillion gigapixel- camera or whatever. This phone sux at everything." People apparently unaware that there could be a phone that is good for some people and not good for others. Although, this doesn't seem likely to be the complete impetus for his death, as his supporters on there boards were usually just as numerous and stupid. "You f8ckers are fucing stpid. Stop hating and read a danmed history book!" wrote one concerned citizen.
More likely, pressure from the upcoming release of the Motorola Droid phone caused a great deal of new pressure, as the latest attempted iPhone killer presented himself publicly. "The Droid ad runs like a smear campaign. I mean, come on, all this guy wants to do is listen to the Ting Tings while snowboarding. Leave the little hipster shit alone!" said this guy I know.
With his ego bruised and new pressures to constantly be the best thing out there, iPhone ended it all yesterday by running a remote wipe on his own Mobile Me account. Which, let's be honest is a truly bitchin' feature.
He is survived by the iPod touch, which is just as good.
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